When we love someone in our lives and then we go through a break up, a friend or our significant other, most of us think, well let’s just move on to the next! But that is not an easy thing to do, for when a relationship ends it is like a death, a death after been part of someones life for quite a prolong length of time.
If we keep repeating this pattern without taking the time to look back and analyze and review the life lived with this person and I mean any type of relationship, we won’t learn from it and we will miss the lessons that a particular situation may have taught us. We will just keep repeating the same mistakes until we learn.
It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted, what matters is the emotional investment and the energy that each individual put into the relationship. What happened that lead to the break up of the relationship? How invested was each individual?
There are relationships that can be saved and things can continue on, but some just can’t, due to ego based assumptions, or because one or both parties were terrible hurt and they can’t get passed it.
Grief is part of the process when someone dies, or a relationship breaks down, for example when someone dies and we have got a grudge with this special someone, or old friend, this is when many people feel shameful, angry and filled up with grief towards themselves, specially if there is a death; because the person realizes that it is to late to say I am sorry or at least to say I forgive you for what ever happened.
The best kind of forgiveness is the one that can be said in person, in front of the other person, but there has to be acknowledgment from each party of what they contributed with in the break up. This is what really gives room for the healing, but there are moments that this cannot be possible, because sometimes it is better to walk away and that is where the saying comes handy about “There is a time to say your peace and make up, but there is a time to know when to walk away and never look back.”
When a marriage ends there is so many emotions going inside each person; anger, hurt, shame, sorrow and it feels like someone died there is an empty part of the household that feels eery, that empty side of the bed, the familiarity of having someone special sleeping close to you. It takes time to get this sorted out. That is the grief that we should heal with before we jump into another relationship and more so that when we jump into a new relationship too fast, we are carrying with us the old karma and dark cloud from the previous relationship. I believe it is best to take the time to grieve before you open yourself up for a new person in your life.
While we are grieving we will deal with so many emotions. When we feel sad, we should not hide this from ourselves. Instead, I would recommend that you watch a movie that makes you cry; a very moving, touching, life provoking film about life and our own humanity. This will actually give you the chance to shed those tears that you are holding on to, due to anger. Tears are the release from the soul. Our spirit is hurting and it is a form of cleansing and a way to release the burdens of what we are holding within ourselves.
I may say “Take care of the self. Take time by yourself in order to heal the emotional wound. This will give you room to be open for the next love that will take your breath away.”
GETTING BACK UP
Getting back up is something that teaches us a lot in our lives and makes us stronger. When we are going through the grieving process of a break up, we need to surround ourselves with positive people, places and things. We also need time to be alone. We need to go on a date with ourselves, we need to nurture the self, doing what we like and love to do. During the time of getting up is when we are ready for the new life, the new adventure, the new love that we envision.
I do recommend during this time in your life, that you go to the movie with friends or alone, to go for dinner with self or with others, be present where there are people, for there you will be able to find and get to know new people and welcome them into your life. Go to dance, sign up for new hobbies like dancing, take a class at the local college to learn a new language or something musical. Challenge your brain into learning new things and this will bring more possibilities into your new beginnings.
Some people stay alone after they had gone through a bad break up, but the cup of tea is to be able to move on and start over again. This is what I call to know the difference, to live again, to be able to say I am healed, I made it to the other side, leaving behind the baggage from the past, because if we bring the baggage from the past, this will destroy the new. When I say baggage I mean old resentments and old bad behaviors. This is why it is so important to go through the break up analytically and to recognize what part you played for this to happen, and also to make sure that you understand and know exactly what you do not like or want in a relationship. The healing process through the grieving is what is called the transformation becoming the new you, to rise above like the phoenix.
If you are currently going through this right now, I send you my love and light and encourage you to contact me for help with your healing.
Until next time,